Join Samantha Allen, MA, for a Q&A all about managing toddler behaviors at home and at school. Samantha is here to answer your questions and help create a more positive family dynamic, empower parents to set the limits they were afraid or unsure if they should set, and more!
How can I successfully encourage my 16 month old to stop shrieking? He shrieks in excitement and shrieks when you take something away.
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Samantha A.
I suggest modeling other sounds, words, and gestures he can use to communicate the same excitement, such as clapping, saying or gesturing/signing "More", "No", or "Hooray", and reinforcing him for that communication with praise, attention, tickles, etc. Always try to avoid reinforcing the shrieking with attention in response to that behavior or allowing that behavior to be functional in another way, such as giving him the item he had taken away. Let me know how it goes! |
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Lacey thank you! |
Welcome, Samantha Allen from The Blooming Child! Samantha is here to share her expertise and answer your questions about parenting toddlers.
My 16 month old has trouble falling asleep on his own. I have to hold him in order for him to fall asleep. If I put him in the crib super sleepy and then leave for him to do the modified CIO, he is relentless and never settles. I come in every 5-10 minutes and even after an hour he still is not settling. What is your advice on putting a toddler to sleep that just wants to be held. As soon as I pick him up, he snuggles into the crook of my arm and falls asleep instantly, but I know he needs to learn to fall asleep on his own.
Our 21 month old has always been keen on getting into our bookshelves (of which we have many). Recently, he has started to rip dust jackets and pages. We have tried redirecting, consistently taking books away when he has settled down and looks like he might rip one, etc. Any thoughts you have on deterring his efforts would be much appreciated!
There are a few things that I was really happy I introduced my daughter to at particular times: we got her in swim lessons young enough that she's not afraid of the water, for example. But mostly this hasn't been planned; it's just stuff I'm able to see has worked out in retrospect! Now that my kiddo is almost 18 months, I'm wondering what activities or ideas it's especially helpful to introduce to her at this age to set us up for success as she moves toward preschool. For example, we only have a few rules -- no hurting yourself, other people, or things; we don't throw food; we eat meals in the high chair; we only read books twice in a row. Are there are other rules we should be setting up? Should we be starting to teach about cleaning up? I'm sure there are others I'm not even thinking of, but I bet you know what parents tend to miss and I'd love to hear about it!
My 18 mo is OBSESSED with the dogs food. I cant keep him out of it. No matter where i move it hes always got to be into it. And yes, he eats it too. Ive been stern with him, ive been consistent, ive redirected. Nothing has worked. Any advice? Our current fix is to close the room where the dogs food is completely but she refuses to eat if shes locked in there by herself, she also refuses to eat if we try and feed her at certain times of the day.... and we cant very well starve our dog...TIA!
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Samantha A.
Hi Emily! |
My 33 month old is SUPER independent but I am at my wits end as events are turning into tantrums.
Example-she goes to put her coat on, zipper is stuck on fabric, i tell her i need to help get it unstuck, she throws a major meltdown and says i do it!
This type of scenario happens 65x a day
:)
Any suggestions would be great!!
Thank you!
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Samantha A.
Hi Katrina! In this situation with the coat it sounds like she may not realize it's stuck by the time you start to help her or she may be more receptive to your help if it's her idea to receive it. She also may just want more time trying to be successful on her own before giving up, and persisting when faced with a challenging task is a great trait! I suggest waiting for her to try to figure it out on her own or to ask you for help. You can also help her problem solve to realize on her own that one solution is to ask you for help. If time is an issue, you can either plan to leave extra time for this, knowing in which situation this type of behaviour may happen, or you can help her from the start if you're in a rush. If you do the latter, make sure to only reinforce appropriate communication from her rather than respond to tantrum behaviours. Hope that helps! |
My son is 19 months old and he says "bah" for pretty much everything, aside from a few animal noises. His pediatrician said it's nothing to worry about that he's not really saying many words, but what are ways to promote language development? I stay home with him but we do socialize with other kids his age. We also read books and sing lots of songs to help with his language. Any other tips? Thanks!
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Samantha A.
Hi Lisa! |
How can I get my 18 month old boy to stop pulling his twin sister's hair? He thinks it's funny and most of the time will hold his hands above her head until me or my husband see him and then he'll grab her hair and just laugh - obviously wanting the attention. He really thinks it's funny and doesn't get it hurts her. We know we're not supposed to give him attention after that, so we try to ignore him for a minute and comfort his sister or put him in the corner and not talk to him for one minute, but nothing seems to work. Sometimes he is all riled up, and I know it's coming...other times he just does it out of the blue. Any advice on this?!
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Samantha A.
Hi Rachna! |
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Rachna Thanks - I'll definitely try this out and see if I can get some of the redirection efforts to work! |
My 2 year old throws trantrums whenever she doesn't get her way. She starts throwing anything she can get her hands on and throws herself down on the ground. Is there anything I can do to help lessen these trantrums?
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Samantha A.
Hi Jessica! No behavior is random and only behavior that is reinforced in some way recurs. I suggest making sure to not allow the tantrum behavior to be functional while also providing her with a model for an appropriate way to get that same need met. For instance, if she wants a toy another child is playing with you can prompt her to ask the other child for a turn when they are done or to offer to trade the toy she has for the one the other child has. And always make sure to reinforce positive behavior. Praise will increase the likelihood of that behavior recurring! |
My 2.5 year old has been basically sleeping through the night since 3 months old (I know, I've been blessed). For the past three weeks we've had on and off wake ups all night long. They don't seem to be nightmares since he's not distressed when he wakes (although sometimes when I walk in I get a very involved, complicated story which makes me think his dreams are certainly vivid). Just seems like he wakes up, can't sleep, and so calls out for me. I'm totally at a loss about what to do. It's unpredictable and doesn't seem to follow any pattern. He falls asleep without a problem and hasn't has any issues with his nap (fingers crossed). He doesn't get out of his bed, just calls for me. When i ask him why he keeps waking up at night he says he's lonely. I have minimal interaction with him when I go in to the room. Other than his brother's birth 4.5 months ago, we haven't had any "transitions" recently. He's been in a twin bed, no rails for 8 months without incident. Potty training is NOT on our radar.
My 4 month old is sleeping through the night, my toddler, not so much.
I'm sure this is just a phase, but any tips for how to approach these wake-ups as we weather this period would be welcome!
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Samantha A.
Hi Emily! 2.5 is typically a perfect age for potty training, and before I even read that part of your message I was already wondering if that was the issue. You can try to start restricting liquids a couple of hours before bedtime and try to give him a chance to empty his bladder before bed. I also suggest making sure he is not withholding stool during the day and/or constipated. At 2.5 years old, and especially over 32 months, kids who are not yet potty trained often begin stool withholding during the day and become constipated, which could definitely be interfering with sleep. I actually have another company that provides professional potty training services, NYC Potty Training, and many families tell me potty training ended up resolving sleep issues. Let me know how it goes! |
I hope its okay to ask more than one question! My 18 mo is a busy bee. I want to take him out to do things but his attention is easily diverted. For example, if we go into target he loves to run aisle to aisle, look at one thing briefly and move on. Ive tried taking him to story time or a play group but hes never interested in the things that are the focus, and is more interested in running around to look and inspect everything. So, when we go shopping, he refuses to sit in the cart and will scream and cry. If we let him down he refuses to follow us and will scream and cry when we guide him to follow. If we baby wear he will try to get loose from his carrier and again, scream and cry. He has never liked being contained. Am i just going to have to wait this one out or is there some way i can get him to "behave" while out and about?
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Samantha A.
Hi Emily! It's always best to be consistent with kids. If he's sometimes allowed to run around in a store while shopping, he will always expect to be able to do so. If that's not a behavior you are comfortable with in stores, I suggest never giving him the opportunity to do that. You can tell him when you first get to the store that he can sit in the cart or walk while holding your hand or the cart. If he tries to run away you can give him 1 warning/reminder of the condition for being out of the cart, and if he tries to run again, you can immediately put him back in the cart. I suggest giving lots of praise as he's walking appropriately without letting go of your hand. This seems like a challenging behavior to work on while you're trying to get actual shopping done so perhaps you can do a few practice trips to the store, starting with a really short trip, and increasing the time with each trip. Once he masters this, you will likely be able to trust him to stay with you while walking down the aisle. |
We're thinking about making the transition from crib to a big boy bed as we're approaching our son's 2nd birthday. However, I'm worried our guy will never sleep with full access to everything in his room, toys, books, etc. He's very busy and easily distracted. We're also struggling with naps recently. Even though he totally needs some sleep, he doesn't want to miss anything and acts out because he's overly tired. Also I should note - he could climb out of the crib if he really wanted to but hasn't yet. He seems happy there at night. Nap time is another story. He has climbed out of the pack n play while at my in-laws. Would love to hear some recommendations for a smooth transition. If there is such a thing with toddlers. :) Thank you!
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Samantha A.
Hi Kate! If he's able to and will climb out of the crib when he wants to and isn't, there's no reason he shouldn't stay in the bed. Sometimes converting the crib to a toddler bed may be a more seamless transition so that's an option as well. If he does start getting out you can limit access to toys within his reach in his room or a proactive approach would be to allow him to choose 2 items he's allowed to have in bed with him before he gets into bed. When kids do get out of bed, it's best to redirect them back while giving as little attention as possible; you can say 1 time in a neutral tone that it's nap time without making eye contact as you prompt him from behind to walk back to bed. Some kids respond well to a Ready-to-wake clock but I suggest trying without that cue first. I always suggest not making a big deal out of these types of transitions so that kids don't treat the new bed differently than they treated staying in the crib. Keeping kids on a regular routine, having a calmer activity before nap time, and most importantly, using warnings (ie, 3 more minutes of play and then nap time) are definitely key. It's always exciting when we introduce "big boy/girl" steps but acting casual about it usually helps kids to stay calm too. Good luck! |
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Kate Thanks! |
How do you go about transitioning a 2 year old, who has been cosleeping exclusively since birth, into falling asleep in his own bed, in his own room? Also, he has always fallen asleep with either me or his dad laying with him, which makes things a little more complicated I think.
y two and a half year old son is struggling with language a littlt and he gets so frustrated that he can't communicate with me and I get frustrated with him. He knows some basic signs but Not enough to communicate what he wants to say . This ends in big temper tantrums and a lot of animosity between me and him. Fyi his language problems really aren't bad enough to need speech therapy yet.
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Samantha A.
Hi Heidi, |
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Heidi Thanks that is very helpful |
Our 3yr old has always been a bit sensitive but lately she's been whining or crying a lot about everything it seems. Everyone dismisses it as it's just the age but what positive ways can I discourage this behavior?
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Samantha A.
Hi Paula! Any behavior that you are seeing repeatedly is being reinforced in some way. I suggest prompting her to communicate her needs in an appropriate way instead of allowing the crying or whining to be functional in any way, whether it's to get a tangible item, communicate, get attention, avoid following a direction to complete a non-preferred task. If she's whining and crying because she wants an apple instead of a banana, you can prompt her to ask appropriately for the apple and give it to her when she does and if she's crying/whining to escape/avoid, make sure she still completes the task. And always reinforce positive behavior! |
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Paula Thank you! |
My soon to be 2yo son has recently started saying words like "let go mommy", or "stop it mommy" whenever I try to help him. He has also started to resist getting into his car seat. Usually, he will cry and ultimately fall flat-out on the floor. I have tried counting and sometimes that will calm him down, and when he falls on the floor, I will respond, or walk away if we are at home. I would appreciate some advice on behavior management when situations such as these arise.
Thank you.
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Samantha A.
Hi Natalie! |
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natalie Thanks for the suggestions. As for the car seat, I started giving him the option to get into the seat himself and He was very responsive. Now when I suggest, he hesitates and tries to sit in the regular, open back seat not the car seat. He will say " big boy".....which is what I would say to him after he sat in the car seat on his own. When I try to put him in his car seat after giving him the option to do it himself, the tantrum occurs. |
Thank you, Samantha! Samantha will answer all questions asked today. Through her companies, The Blooming Child and NYC Potty Training, Samantha offers a variety of parenting services from potty training to behavior consultations in the NYC area. Check out more from Samantha at https://www.thebloomingchild.com and https://www.nycpottytraining.com.
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Samantha A.
My companies actually provide these services all over the world, as much support is given through phone consulting. Thank you for sharing today! I'll finish answering all questions from today shortly. |
Hi Samantha, My son will be two soon. Within the last 4-5 months, when my son awakes from naps he is in horrible moods, is very clingy and screams/cries after waking. Is this normal? He takes 2-3 hour naps, so I don't think it is lack of sleep. Is there something I can do that will help him wake up and not be so upset? He doesn't do this in the morning time. Thanks!
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Samantha A.
Hi Erin, |
So i am trying to follow the positive discipline philosophy in parenting, and make my discipline have natural consequences (i.e. if throwing a toy, i take the toy away if they won't stop throwing after i ask). But i don't know what to do about straight up defiance. My son who is 29 months and his twin sister have started straight up refusing to do what i ask. Just nope and walking away. Sometimes there is no direct consequence i can impose. What can i do to respond to this? It really pushes my buttons and i am not ok with open defiance.
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Samantha A.
Hi Catalina, |