Parenting Toddlers

Shrieking

• Samantha A. I suggest modeling other sounds, words, and gestures he can use to communicate the same excitement, such as clapping, saying or gesturing/signing "More", "No", or "Hooray", and reinforcing him for that communication with praise, attention, tickles, etc. Always try to avoid reinforcing the shrieking with attention in response to that behavior or allowing that behavior to be functional in another way, such as giving him the item he had taken away. Let me know how it goes!

• Lacey thank you!

Our Q&A starts now!

Sleeping Troubles

Ripping books

What's crucial to introduce to a toddler?

Dog food

• Samantha A. Hi Emily! Since you know he's going to try to get the dog food when you put it out, I suggest being prepared to redirect him before he walks in the direction of the dog food. It's also important to avoid giving him attention for seeking out the dog food because this will reinforce the behaviour as well. Additionally, I suggest reinforcing him for his positive behaviour while you're engaging with him away from the dog food. Might it be that he is hungry at the times the dog is served food and that's the only food within his reach? Perhaps having a preferred snack for him out on his table before serving the dog his food will help as well. Let me know how it goes!

Miss Independent

• Samantha A. Hi Katrina! In this situation with the coat it sounds like she may not realize it's stuck by the time you start to help her or she may be more receptive to your help if it's her idea to receive it. She also may just want more time trying to be successful on her own before giving up, and persisting when faced with a challenging task is a great trait! I suggest waiting for her to try to figure it out on her own or to ask you for help. You can also help her problem solve to realize on her own that one solution is to ask you for help. If time is an issue, you can either plan to leave extra time for this, knowing in which situation this type of behaviour may happen, or you can help her from the start if you're in a rush. If you do the latter, make sure to only reinforce appropriate communication from her rather than respond to tantrum behaviours. Hope that helps!

Language development

• Samantha A. Hi Lisa! It's great that he's verbalizing to communicate! Reading picture books and singing songs with hand movements are great ways to promote language development. I suggest continuing to model language without worrying about his articulation for now. Let communication be positive for him to build confidence with language skills and when he's better able to coordinate his lips and tongue as he gets older he will produce more sounds. Right now it sounds like he's mastered "buh" and is enjoying using it to express himself...enjoy and reinforce his language use!

Pulling Hair

• Samantha A. Hi Rachna! I agree this sounds like attention-seeking behavior. I suggest closely supervising them when they are near each other for a few days so that you can prevent and redirect the behavior before it occurs. You can give him lots of attention for, or even use a token board to reward, the absence of the behavior. Keeping the kids engaged, especially doing activities that keep their hands busy doing other things, such as sensory play (ie, water play, finger painting with paint or with shaving cream, doing animal walks involving all fours, etc) will also help. Once this behavior hasn't occurred for a few days and other behaviours have been reinforced, he may move on from what seems to have become a game to him right now. I also suggest taking note of what occurred immediately before he exhibits the hair pulling behavior or attempt to pull her hair in order to figure out the trigger, and then show him appropriate ways to handle those situations. For instance, does it typically happen when he finished playing with one activity before he has selected the next one? Perhaps you can organize their toys so that they're in clear bins or easier to access. Or does your attention to his sister playing immediately precede the hair pulling? If so, you can teach him to invite you to play with him or to join his sister's play. Perhaps he would get less attention for being all done playing with the activity he and his sister are playing with than he gets by being put in a time out, then redirected to stay in the time out, and then eventually when taken out of the time out. Hope this helps!

• Rachna Thanks - I'll definitely try this out and see if I can get some of the redirection efforts to work!

Tantrum

• Samantha A. Hi Jessica! No behavior is random and only behavior that is reinforced in some way recurs. I suggest making sure to not allow the tantrum behavior to be functional while also providing her with a model for an appropriate way to get that same need met. For instance, if she wants a toy another child is playing with you can prompt her to ask the other child for a turn when they are done or to offer to trade the toy she has for the one the other child has. And always make sure to reinforce positive behavior. Praise will increase the likelihood of that behavior recurring!

Champion Sleeper now wakes 2-3x Per Night!

• Samantha A. Hi Emily! 2.5 is typically a perfect age for potty training, and before I even read that part of your message I was already wondering if that was the issue. You can try to start restricting liquids a couple of hours before bedtime and try to give him a chance to empty his bladder before bed. I also suggest making sure he is not withholding stool during the day and/or constipated. At 2.5 years old, and especially over 32 months, kids who are not yet potty trained often begin stool withholding during the day and become constipated, which could definitely be interfering with sleep. I actually have another company that provides professional potty training services, NYC Potty Training, and many families tell me potty training ended up resolving sleep issues. Let me know how it goes!

Shopping

• Samantha A. Hi Emily! It's always best to be consistent with kids. If he's sometimes allowed to run around in a store while shopping, he will always expect to be able to do so. If that's not a behavior you are comfortable with in stores, I suggest never giving him the opportunity to do that. You can tell him when you first get to the store that he can sit in the cart or walk while holding your hand or the cart. If he tries to run away you can give him 1 warning/reminder of the condition for being out of the cart, and if he tries to run again, you can immediately put him back in the cart. I suggest giving lots of praise as he's walking appropriately without letting go of your hand. This seems like a challenging behavior to work on while you're trying to get actual shopping done so perhaps you can do a few practice trips to the store, starting with a really short trip, and increasing the time with each trip. Once he masters this, you will likely be able to trust him to stay with you while walking down the aisle. Additionally, you can find ways to involve him in your shopping trip. Ask him to help you find items, hold items, and put items into the cart. Kids will always be curious and want to explore so I suggest teaching him to request to check something out, and responding to appropriate requests by walking with him to see the requested item. Or at the end of each aisle walked successfully, you can reward him by letting him check out an item. Always keep in mind that any behavior that is reinforced is likely to recur, so if you reinforce his tantrum behaviours by letting him out of the cart to run around in response, he is learning to exhibit that tantrum behavior in order to get what he wants. I suggest always taking him out of the cart only in response to requesting appropriately and without crying or screaming. Hope this was helpful!

Crib transition & napping

• Samantha A. Hi Kate! If he's able to and will climb out of the crib when he wants to and isn't, there's no reason he shouldn't stay in the bed. Sometimes converting the crib to a toddler bed may be a more seamless transition so that's an option as well. If he does start getting out you can limit access to toys within his reach in his room or a proactive approach would be to allow him to choose 2 items he's allowed to have in bed with him before he gets into bed. When kids do get out of bed, it's best to redirect them back while giving as little attention as possible; you can say 1 time in a neutral tone that it's nap time without making eye contact as you prompt him from behind to walk back to bed. Some kids respond well to a Ready-to-wake clock but I suggest trying without that cue first. I always suggest not making a big deal out of these types of transitions so that kids don't treat the new bed differently than they treated staying in the crib. Keeping kids on a regular routine, having a calmer activity before nap time, and most importantly, using warnings (ie, 3 more minutes of play and then nap time) are definitely key. It's always exciting when we introduce "big boy/girl" steps but acting casual about it usually helps kids to stay calm too. Good luck!

• Kate Thanks!

Cosleeping

communication with 2 1/2 yr old

• Samantha A. Hi Heidi, Is he getting frustrated because he's not able to communicate his needs/wants with you? If this is the case you can teach him to point to things he doesn't have the words or sign to say and you can also make a picture book of his toys and anything else he may request. If you use Velcro he can actually hand the picture to you while you model saying the word and give him the item or you can just have him find what he wants in the book to point to. I believe there are apps that you can do this in as well. Making sure to always pair his picture communication with a verbal model of the word label is an excellent way to teach him the words. If he does have the language but his articulation is unclear, I suggest meeting with a speech therapist who does prompt therapy. The earlier articulation issues are treated, the better the outcome of therapy. No matter what, I definitely suggest never showing him your frustration; doing so may in fact be what's escalating these instances to his exhibiting tantrum behaviours.

• Heidi Thanks that is very helpful

Whining and crying a lot recently

• Samantha A. Hi Paula! Any behavior that you are seeing repeatedly is being reinforced in some way. I suggest prompting her to communicate her needs in an appropriate way instead of allowing the crying or whining to be functional in any way, whether it's to get a tangible item, communicate, get attention, avoid following a direction to complete a non-preferred task. If she's whining and crying because she wants an apple instead of a banana, you can prompt her to ask appropriately for the apple and give it to her when she does and if she's crying/whining to escape/avoid, make sure she still completes the task. And always reinforce positive behavior!

• Paula Thank you!

Temper Tantrums

• Samantha A. Hi Natalie! It sounds like the falling flat on the floor behavior is functioning to avoid following a non-preferred direction, or at least delay it. Instead of counting or walking away, I suggest prompting him to get in the car seat. Do you know why he doesn't want to get into his car seat at the times he's resistant? Assessing the function or trigger for a behavior is necessary to determine the best way to handle it. One suggestion that I can give without knowing more is to give him an option to get in himself or ask if he needs you to help him. Then if he doesn't get right in himself, you can put him in it. If he complains you can remind him that he had the choice to do it himself and next time he can choose to do that. After you do this once or twice, I'm sure he will start getting in on his own; even if he doesn't want to get into the seat, kids almost always prefer to choose! If he is telling you to let go or stop doing something that is in an appropriate context for him to be saying that (ie, he wants you to stop tickling him, etc.), then I think it's terrific he's using his words to communicate! If he's saying it in inappropriate contexts, such as to get a toy you are holding/using, I suggest responding as his peers would/should (ie. I'm playing with this car...you can have a turn when I'm finished). Keep me posted how this goes!

• natalie Thanks for the suggestions. As for the car seat, I started giving him the option to get into the seat himself and He was very responsive. Now when I suggest, he hesitates and tries to sit in the regular, open back seat not the car seat. He will say " big boy".....which is what I would say to him after he sat in the car seat on his own. When I try to put him in his car seat after giving him the option to do it himself, the tantrum occurs. Also, the "let go mommy" is usually if his father is holding him and he doesn't want me to hold him. Usually he is upset. Is this normal? Do I have a hard, strong willed child in the making? Is there any literature you can suggest that I read that might help me understand/prepare for his early strong willed nature? If that is what is brewing from this behavior.

Our Q&A is now over.

• Samantha A. My companies actually provide these services all over the world, as much support is given through phone consulting. Thank you for sharing today! I'll finish answering all questions from today shortly. Samantha Allen NYC POTTY TRAINING, INC. www.nycpottytraining.com 917.756.8664 This message and any attachments are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to which they are addressed. If you are not the intended recipient, you are prohibited from printing, copying, forwarding, saving, or otherwise using or relying upon them in any manner. Please notify the sender immediately if you have received this message by mistake and delete it from your system.

Toddler Tantrum after nap time!

• Samantha A. Hi Erin, Is he waking up naturally or being woken at the end of a nap? And if being woken, how do you wake him? Also, what typically follows immediately after his nap?

Terrible Twos!

• Samantha A. Hi Catalina, How would you respond if you saw your kids walking towards the street and didn't follow your verbal redirection to stop walking? Always keep in mind that you are the parent, and you are the one in charge. You may not be able to force your child to follow a direction to complete a non-preferred task but you can certainly not allow access to other things until the direction is followed, and no toddler can tolerate doing absolutely nothing while also not getting attention (positive or negative) for longer than about 30 seconds :) I suggest preventing them from leaving the room and waiting for them to follow your directions. And as always, reinforce positive behaviors! Additionally, I suggest considering which directions they are not following so you can help them with whatever it is that is making them want to escape. Perhaps giving them more choice in how they follow the direction, (ie, Time to clean up the blocks; which shape block do you want to be in charge of cleaning up? Or, Do you want to put away the blocks or the puzzle first?). Also, assess if they are avoiding following certain directions that may be challenging for them so you can help them master the skills involved. Good luck!