Join Parenting Educator and author Meg Akabas for a Q&A all about finding the best ways to parent your children. Meg understands the struggles of parenting children of all ages and is here to help our parents improve their parenting skills. It's time to stop all those tantrums, power struggles and whining at home!
Sorry for 2nd question! How do I handle daddy do it? My 2.5 yr old had been doing it on/off for 6 months. It is very frustrating. She throws a huge tantrum if daddy won't help her get dressed, go potty, you name it. She screams daddy do it.
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Meg A.
Hi again, Katrina! |
I am 36 weeks pregnant. My son just turned 3. Any advice for helping him transition to having a sibling? We talk about the baby a lot and he seems excited. We worry about the obvious- jealousy, new routine, etc. I have heard that making sure you devote one on one time with the oldest every day after newborn arrives is crucial. Also having older one "help" with the baby (bringing mommy diaper cream, etc) and praising his involvement is important. Some friends have also advised that we get new little books and toys to keep toddler occupied with new things while I am breastfeeding. Any other advice is appreciated. Thanks!
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Meg A.
Hi Sarah, |
Welcome Meg Akabas, Certified Parenting Educator and author of 52 Weeks of Parenting Wisdom: Effective Strategies for Raising Happy, Responsible Kids. Meg is here to share her expertise and answer all of your questions about parenting toddlers and young children.
My daughter is 2.5 And baby is 10 months. The toddler yells at her telling her to stop crying, hits her and can be quite mean in general. Not to mention the no sharing. It seems to be getting worse than better. I try to explain baby cries bc she cannot talk to express what is wrong. Hitting we don't tolerate and we all need to share. I just wonder what else i can do. They are both home with me but my daughter will go to 3k next year and want these behaviors fixed by then
Thanks!
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Meg A.
Hi Katrina, |
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Katrina Thank you! Unfortunately my baby is a teething monster, cries a lot and takes only 2 half hour naps a day so the special time is very limited but i will do my best tomaximize it. |
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Meg A.
Katrina - I understand the challenge (I have four children), but see what you can do to arrange with other adults in your life to help with the baby once a week, say, or to have special time with your older child themselves. |
My daughter, who will be three next month, fights about every single thing, every single day. I'm not exaggerating. She will argue and cry about 99% of the things that need to happen in our day, from getting dressed, to potty training (totally could do it, basically refuses), to what she'll eat, to sharing with her brother (just 14 months younger), to going to bed. And then some days she's having a good day and everything is 100% fun and easy. What do I do about her 95% frustrating days? Thanks!
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Meg A.
Hi Emily, |
Hi Meg. Thanks for answering questions today. I have a 3.5 year old and 10 month old baby. My oldest daughter adjusted well to the new baby at first but now that the baby is becoming more mobile and starting to get into my older daughter's toys she has been acting up more. For example, she wants any toy the baby is playing with and immediately takes it away. She wants all of the "baby" toys for herself and really struggles with sharing. She also hugs her very tightly and sometimes is just too rough with her. We do a lot of one-on-one time with my older daughter and she loves her sister very much, I just think she is having a harder time now that this little baby is becoming more of a real person and active member of the family. Any tips on the appropriate way to handle the toy stealing and challenges with sharing along with the somewhat aggressive behavior? Thank you!
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Meg A.
Hi Eva, |
Hi Meg, my LO when gets upset, tells us to "go away" or "get outta my house". we never use that kind of language. How can I curb this behavior?
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Meg A.
Hi Neha, |
My three and half year old is close to eliminating everything from her diet. The only way I can get her to eat vegetables is through a purée in a fruit smoothie. She doesn't even like chicken -- I've tried grilled, breaded, broiled, doesn't touch it! I call it different names (dippers, etc) but she doesn't touch it. Please help!
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Meg A.
Hi Alida, |
My 22-month old has developed a terrible habit of hitting. He doesn't do it to other kids too often, but every now and then, he will hit another child (usually on the head) because of a sharing issue - either they take something from him or he wants something they have. He is also terrible at sharing, which is a whole other issue! The worst of his hitting is at mom and dad though, usually if we're making him do something he doesn't want to do, but also sometimes it seems random. We are struggling with how to discipline him. We've tried saying "no hitting" and talking about why we don't hit, what we do with our hands etc., we've tried time-outs, we've removed him from the situation if we're in public, we've tried yelling, and we've never hit or spanked him. Nothing seems to work though, and the yelling makes things worse as he usually just laughs hysterically when we yell. He says sorry by being gentle instead of hitting, so he'll usually do this by patting you on the head. This makes me think he knows what he's doing is wrong, but I just don't know how to get him to stop. I am also expecting baby #2 in 6 weeks, so am very worried about this behavior continuing or getting worse! Thank you!
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Meg A.
Hi Emily, |
Thank you for taking our questions! I'm not sure how to really state this but essentially we are looking for ways of disciplining our daughter to discourage certain behaviors. She's a fairly sensitive child so up until now we have tried to explain everything which has generally worked but as she is getting older we are definitely having a power struggle as she wants to do and have everything her way screaming "it's my turn" over and over or screams that Mommy has to help her (she doesn't want daddy to do anything). Our parents yelled and spanked us if we acted up like most parents of that generation but we do not want to do that. Can you please suggest other ways of discouraging the whining and crying? Also, how much do we just let go? Like when she insists on mommy instead of daddy, do we just go with it or have daddy help through the screaming? Thanks in advance.
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Meg A.
Hi Paula, |
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Paula Thank you so much! We try to give choices throughout the day and that has definitely helped so glad that we are doing something right :) I will read through the reply to Catalina for more details on the strategy. |
A follow-up to below! My almost 2-year old has recently become extremely possessive with his things and has had a very hard time sharing. So bad that play dates have become unmanageable. If we have anyone over, he gets so upset if they touch anything that is his, even if he doesn't want to play with it at the time. Again, we've trying talking to him, practicing sharing with us, punishing, removing him, everything, but nothing seems to work. Everything I read says the idea of "sharing" is just too complex for him to understand at this age, but he seems to be worse than his peers in this department. He has been in a nanny share most of his life, so he's been around at least one other child each day. He has recently started part-time nursery school so I'm hoping this helps, but any other advice would be much appreciated!
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Meg A.
Hi Emily, I'll respond to your questions later tonight. Stay tuned... Meg |
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Meg A.
Hi Emily, |
Similar to Emily's question below, my three-year-old has turned into quite the challenge. For a little while, during her twos, my daughter was turning into such an agreeable and pleasant child, but, in the last month or so, all she does is argue about everything, digs her heels in, and throws massive temper tantrums. We even give her options so that she can decide on her own, but that doesn't work when she's determined on what she wants. Before, when she got upset or didn't get her way, she used to just go to her room, count to ten calmly, and come back down when she felt better -- not anymore. Now she screams and cries and repeats the thing she wants over and over. We typically ignore the tantrums, and she usually will give up since no one is giving in, but that gets exhausting as well. She also is getting extremely difficult at mealtimes (but when she doesn't eat, she gets hangry and all hell breaks loose). We have also just given up on potty training.
I'll have to say, that within the past couple of months, things have been a little crazy (a number of visits from out-of-town family, a break from routine due to holidays, and there was a death in the family, so lots of travel involved). I'm wondering if her behavior could be a result of her being out of her routine?
On some days, she also takes a while to get down for her nap, and when she wakes up, she gets extremely cranky and throws an tantrum. She usually wakes up at 7:30am, takes her nap from around 2 to 4:30-5pm, and goes to bed around 8:30-9pm. She usually goes down for bedtime pretty easily, but dinner is the challenge. I feel like she really needs that nap, because when she goes a couple of days without the nap, she is a mess. But can the behavioral issues and struggle to nap be an indicator that she needs to drop the nap?
Or is this all a result of her normal development (as well as a combination of the other two)? Either way, any advice would be greatly appreciated! Sorry for the extremely long post!
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Meg A.
Hi Su! I'll respond to your question later tonight. Stay tuned... Meg |
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Meg A.
Hi Su, |
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Su Oh, ok. I thought I was giving her choices, but you're right, it is usually when I need her to do something (geting dressed, eating, etc). I will try to give her choices throughout the day with little things too. And great idea about the transition for getting out of bed after nap. Thank you, this is all very helpful! |
I have toddler twins. They turned two in October but this behavior has been going since before they turned two. So, for my daughter, she has to have everything her way or we have a total meltdown--I mean total. On the floor screaming, writhing, crying hysterically for 2-10 minutes depending on the day. It can be as simple as she doesn't want to wear a jacket when it's cold out or that we didn't give her the toy she wanted. She doesn't get rewarded by the behavior by getting her way but, a lot of times, to head off a tantrum, I or the other caregivers (her grandmother or the nanny) will let her do a lot of what she wants within the day. I don't know if that's the problem. Also, I approach the tantrum by ignoring it until she's done, but her nanny tends to try and talk to her or distract her from it, so I'm not sure if we should be handling it the same way. For my son, it's similar but he's not that willful, so it just kind of depends on his mood, but often a no will get a crying on the floor response until I pick him up and hug him and give him a binky. Is there a way to minimize this behavior or respond differently?
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Meg A.
Hi Catalina, |
Our 19 month old thinks it's hysterical to flip certain pieces of small furniture over and throws toys and various things over his baby gate or at other furniture. He's like a baby hulk! We've removed these items from his play area, but given the chance or when we are elsewhere he knocks things over or throws things and thinks it's funny. When I tell him no or if I raise my voice, he also thinks that's hysterical and doesn't get the concept at all. Our doctor offered a "time out" approach, and I think that can be effective if we are home and he has a safe space without access to any toys, etc, but when he is at the babysitters/daycare or we are out, I'm not really sure how to make that work. What are other positive discipline methods? We always try to praise him when he does something he is supposed to or listens/behaves well, like clapping, saying yay and good job. We do not spank and I don't feel that yelling or raising my voice is effective and doesn't set a good example to teach him how to behave.
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Meg A.
Hi Kate, |
My 20 month old son has always been a very Oral kid - everything goes in the mouth. We are trying to get rid of the pacifier, but when the paci isn't around I look over and he will have four fingers in his mouth instead. I feel like using his hands is a harder habit to break and makes the paci seem sanitary in comparison so now I don't know what to do!
Does cold turkey work for kids or is that too hard of an adjustment too fast? I think I'm most worried I won't survive or I'll create a worse habit in place of the paci. Thanks!
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Meg A.
Hi Caitlin, |
Thank you, Meg! Meg will answer all questions asked today. Meg and Parenting Solutions offer parenting workshops and consultation services across the country. Meg’s book, 52 Weeks of Parenting Wisdom: Effective Strategies for Raising Happy, Responsible Kids, is available on Amazon. Check out her profile for more info!
My 3.5 yr old has been fully potty trained for 7 months, but the last 3 months, he's been actively holding it in. His emotions while holding it in range from hysterical sobbing to hitting/kicking to screaming and calling names. We've tried reward charts to entice him to go, probiotics to help him go...nothing works. Yet, every single time after he eventually goes he apologizes and says how much better he feels. What am I doing wrong? How do I get him to go?
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Meg A.
Hi Jane, I'll address your question later tonight. Stay tuned... Meg |
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Meg A.
Hi Jane, |
My formally even tempered baby has turned into an easily pissed off 14 month old. She recently started pointing and has learned the sign for more. So, now she will point and/or sign more when she wants something and than scream when I don't give her what she wants. She also screams when I take something away from her. Is this just frustration because of her limited communication ability? How can I help?
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Meg A.
Hi Stephanie, |
My 3.5 year old is trying out some new behaviors. He's always leaned toward the cry and scream if he doesn't get what he wants, when he wants and covincing his 2 year old sister to give him the toy she is playing with by distracting her with something else.
But in the past week or two he has taken to more advanced manipulative techniques, saying the thing he thinks we want to hear before continuing to do what we've asked him not too. He is also using some decent logic to get his way. when he doesn't get what he wants, when he wants he's taken to wounded puppy look and marching out of the room.
It really pushes our buttons and we don't know how to respond to him. We definitely don't want him to think this behavior is effective!
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Meg A.
Hi Yael, |
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Yael Thank you! |
My 19 month old son is SO clingy to my husband and me to the point where we can get nothing done with him. He wants us to hold him up, not hold him sitting. I put him down to change my clothes after work and he is hysterical, bangs his head against the wall in frustration. When he's with his babysitter or his grandmothers he's an angel- I've seen videos ! We feel helpless and ridiculous being ruled by this toddler. He won't even sit in his highchair anymore. We tried the booster seat his sitter uses but he still wouldn't sit. We strapped him into his high chair and he just screams and bangs his head back. At our wits end please help!
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Meg A.
Hi Rachel, |
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Meg A.
Hi Rachel, |