That racing, endless, invisible checklist that’s going on in the back of your mind? That’s called the mental load. The mental load doesn’t disappear—it just evolves. Those diapers and onesies will eventually be replaced by carpool schedules and school projects. The key isn’t eliminating the mental load, but learning how to share it. That's where your support system becomes so valuable. ​ 

A Perinatal Mental Health Specialist’s tips to start easing the burden ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­  

͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ ͏‌ 

 

Okay, so there’s the doctor’s appointment to schedule, the baby clothes to organize (again), and oh yeah, don’t forget about ordering more diapers — you always need more diapers. That racing, endless, invisible checklist that’s going on in the back of your mind? That’s called the mental load.

 

The mental load doesn’t disappear—it just evolves. Those diapers and onesies will eventually be replaced by carpool schedules and school projects. The key isn’t eliminating the mental load, but learning how to share it. That's where your support system becomes so valuable.

 

Together with our sponsor, BetterHelp, we’ve rounded up a few ways you and your partner can work together to help lighten your mental load (and an exclusive discount to online therapy).

 

TIPS TO MANAGE YOUR MENTAL LOAD

 

Make the invisible visible, especially to your partner. 

So much of parenting is invisible: scheduling doctor’s appointments, sending birthday invitations, sizing up your child’s clothes every. single. season. When you and your partner are talking about how you spent your day, don’t overlook all these tasks! 

 

So often, we can feel resentful, like our partner doesn’t appreciate all that we are doing. But the truth is, they simply might not KNOW all that we are doing. When we make the invisible visible, we are also giving our partners the opportunity to acknowledge and validate us. Even hearing responses as simple as “Wow, that is a lot” or “Thank you for doing that” do a LOT to nip any resentment in the bud.

 

Use your “I” statements. 

Even if resentment is high, try to state your feelings without assigning blame. Instead of saying something like, “I am so stressed out because you never buy diapers” you can say, “I am stressed out having to keep track of the diapers and wipes and when to order them.” Again, your partner might have no idea you are feeling this way, so using your “I” statements in this way lets them know how you are feeling in a way that also opens the door to a discussion about the division of labor.

 

Delegate, then let it go. 

After you share how you are feeling, move towards problem-solving and figuring out which tasks you can delegate to your partner. And be specific! To go back to the diaper example, you can say, “I would like you to be in charge of diapers. This means refilling the diapers in the diaper basket by the changing table, taking out the diaper pail when it's full, ordering more diapers, and sizing up when we need to. Can you take care of this task?”

 

And once your partner says yes, the #1 thing you have to do is let it go. Don’t try to micromanage how they get the task done. 

 

But what if you have trouble letting things go?

You're not alone, may people struggle with this! When you feel the urge to control the situation, remind yourself that it’s good for kids to see that not everyone does things the same way. Exposure to different approaches can teach kids to be flexible and also shows them that there is more than one way to solve a problem, both of which are important lessons to learn.

Parenthood can feel like a constant juggling act. Between sleepless nights, never-ending to-do lists, and trying to keep up with the demands of parenting, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. This stage of parenthood brings its own set of mental and emotional challenges, and the support you have access to can make a huge difference in how you manage it all.

 

That’s why we’ve partnered with Better Help, offering our readers access to mental health professionals at their fingertips—at a discounted rate! Whether you need advice, tools, or just a moment to process, online therapy provides practical solutions to help you navigate the daily demands of parenthood, so you can be more present for what truly matters

 

Click the button below to claim 25% off your first month of BetterHelp and find an online therapist who’s right for you.

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 This article is sponsored in partnership with BetterHelp. We only recommend products and brands we genuinely love. Offers mentioned were valid at the time of original publication. Additional terms and conditions may apply.